


Clyde The Match Maker

by AfrikanMenace



Category: South Park
Genre: Bad Writing, Clyde just wants to help his friends, M/M, Tweek and Craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfrikanMenace/pseuds/AfrikanMenace
Summary: OI OI OI OI OI CLYDE DONOVAN THAT'S IT YOU ARE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR 10000 DECADES !





	Clyde The Match Maker

**Author's Note:**

> Because I forgot my old account/password

Craig pushed away the nameless students as they stood in his way. He was suppose to be meeting up with his friends before classes started but with people flooding the hallways that goal was almost near impossible.  
Craig shrugged it off, he could always meet with his friends when school ended.  
“G-give it back CARTMAN!” A voice yelled.  
That voice was plastered into Craig’s hippocampus. After years of hanging out with a blond haired boy who possessed that voice Craig was ready to jump into action. More nameless students were pushed out of the way until Craig got into the eye of the storm. 

“GIVE IT BBB-ACK CARTMAN!” Tweek yelled once more.  
Cartman was holding Tweek’s thermos hostage. Even though Cartman was fat he was pretty tall compared to Tweek.  
“Tweek I’m trying to help you! This will make your balls small”  
Cartman was pushing Tweek away with his diabetic ridden palm placed on Tweek’s delicate forehead. Craig rolled up his sleeve; mentality clearing his schedule knowing he would get detention for beating Cartman up again. The crowd start closing in the two students who were arguing- repeatedly chanting “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” 

ESKETIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Tweek slammed his fist in Cartman’s jaw, giving him a deadly uppercut. Everyone stood silent; as if they were surprised the coffee addict had a cannon for a left arm. Students made a clear path for the blond as if he was assigned as the new king of the school.

“Craig what’s going on with your cheeks? They’re all red like a baboon’s ass.” Clyde pointed out as he literally poked at Craig’s blood rushed cheeks.  
“Yea-yeah-yeah you look like a to-to-to TOMATO.” Jimmy commented. Craig pulled his hat over his face and brushed off his friend’s comments. “It’s nothing let’s go.” The gang waited for Craig to lead the way, Jimmy followed after him. Token stayed back, whispering over to Clyde. “Dude I think Craig likes Tweek.”  
“But aren’t they dating?” Clyde whispered back.  
“No, don’t you remember they broke up in middle school?” Token rebutted.  
“They did? Wow, I guess they were doing it for the town. “  
Token rolled his eyes. “How can you be so oblivious?”  
“Hey!” Clyde spoke. “Don’t use big words smart ass.”  
Token signed, trying his best to keep his patience. “Look, I think we should talk to Craig and he might be open to the idea of ask-“  
“We need to make him jealous!” Clyde interrupted Token’s reasonable plan.  
“What?”  
“Yeah, I saw it on a movie once. Where this guy liked this girl, the girl was a greaser and the guy was a snooty upper-class douche. So they hired this other guy which was actually the girl’s brother; to try to flirt with the girl so the douchebag guy could get jealous and asked her out! And it worked because he asked her to prom!”

Token rubbed his temples, trying to prevent a headache from forming. “Are you referring to Waste Land In Oregon?”  
“Yeah!” Clyde cheered. If Token knew about the movie then his plan was guaranteed going to work!  
“Do you not remember that the girl and the brother had a child and the brother killed the upper-class douche, his wife/sister and their child right?”

Clyde rolled his eyes, “God Token this isn’t the move though and I’m not Tweek’s brother.”  
Token froze when he heard that last line. “What do you mean by that?”  
“Isn’t is obvious? I’m going to pretend to flirt with Tweek in front of Craig to get him jealous!”  
“…Please Clyde don't do this.” 

“Shhh Token watch and be amazed how my genius plan works out!” 

 

RING That was the bell to indicate class has started. Clyde was determined to make his idiot plan work! Even if it killed Token.

 

When the gang met at their usual table; Craig continued to glance over at Tweek every now and again. He was sitting with that asshat Stan and his lame friends. Clyde got out of the lunch line and made direct eye contact with Token; as Token was just sitting down to eat his corndog. 

“I’m going for it wish me luck!” Clyde’s eyes spoke.  
“This is not going to work.” Token spoke back.  
Knowing each other since childhood gave them the ability to speak to one another without each moving their mouths. 

 

“Wow Tweek, the way you kicked Cartman’s ass was impressive! Do you go to the gym?”  
Cylde asked as he forced himself into Kenny’s spot; pushing Kenny over a seat.  
Tweek twitched a bit, not liking Clyde’s vibe.  
“I, I guess?”  
“Dude, I bet you got a 6 pack even! Can I see?”  
Stan finally spoke up. “Dude that sounds pretty gay.”  
Kyle threw in his two cents. “Yeah Clyde that sounds really.”  
Clyde waved his hand. “ Guys common look at Tweek he’s ripped! Right Tweek?”  
“  
“Wow Tweek can I FEEL YOUR MUSCLE?” Clyde didn't bother looking back, he knew Craig was sending dagger glazed stares. Clyde tugged on Tweek’s left arm while he was drinking coffee from his thermos. “Clyde common stop being a weirdo.” Kenny muffled through his hood.  
“Cl-Clyde let go!” Tweek tried to jerk his arm free only to wind up spilling coffee on himself.  
“TOO MUCH PRESSURE!” Tweek yelled running out of the lunchroom. Well Tweek is dead.” Cartman said coming out of nowhere.  
Clyde’s face scrunched up, he was confused on why his plan didn't work. Suddenly a mini milk carton was thrown in the back of Clyde’s head.  
Before Clyde could look back to see who assaulted his poor head, the lunchroom door closed again.

 

“AGH IT’S NOT COMING OUT!” Tweek panicked. His shirt was submerged into the boy’s bathroom sink but the coffee stain was too stubborn. What if a teacher came in and thought he was trying to shoot up the school and kill himself?!  
“Hey dude.”  
“AGH!!! OH JESUS! DON'T HURT ME!” Tweek screamed as if he found out his parents sold him into slavery.  
“Agh thank god it’s just you Craig. Do you know What’s up with Clyde?”  
Craig signed and opened his backpack; pulling out a spare shirt and handed it to the blonde. “I have no idea. Here I got an extra shirt.”  
“Thanks man!” Tweek smiled. It was that smile right there that gave Craig the confidence he needed to ask Tweek out.  
“There is a Red Racer marathon going on. Want to skip school and binge watch it at my house?”  
‘GAH”  
Close enough.


End file.
